I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
