my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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