Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
