that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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