brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
