If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
