And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
