were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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