What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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