I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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