OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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