Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
