At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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