Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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