hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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