There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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