An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
