the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
