so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize