My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
