I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
