how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
