I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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