I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think a kid would responsible me up
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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