my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
