you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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