i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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