Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
