If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
