WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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