If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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