My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
