I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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