I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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