weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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