dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
