I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
