No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
