i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
