fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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