You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
