My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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