Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm passing your future prison.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
