I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
