wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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