I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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