It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize