): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
