I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
