At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize