WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
