Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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