Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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