never play flip cup with pint glasses
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize