Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
