some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
