At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
