she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
