I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
