I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just pynch a tree in the face
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
FUCK WHALES
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