she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
