Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
