Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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