In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
