last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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