Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You made out with two different species that night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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