The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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