is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
