Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
