you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
