Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
