This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I stole a fireplace last night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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