Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
