im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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