He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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