just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
