A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
