You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
