They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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