he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
