Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
