I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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