we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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