Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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