Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
