you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
