They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
