Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
