Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The struggles of a small town man whore
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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