the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize