I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
