First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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