it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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