I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
