Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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