I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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