Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
