You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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