I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
