Pants 0. Shit 1.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We got so high we made milksteak
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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