chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
