I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
