Just fell off a train. Bad.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize