The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
