He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
