well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
