Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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