Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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