so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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