batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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