We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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