Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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